Saturday, January 1, 2011

New Year

Today is the start of a new year!  For me it is not starting out very well.  Dick is not doing well and my heart is burdened with the thought of losing him.  He is truly the love of my life.  The last six years of marriage have been amazing.  Yes there are ups and downs, but almost every day that man tells me to sit quietly and listen to him tell me of his love for me.  That keeps me up and going even when he is not feeling well.

I had to look up scripture on sorrow 
Rev. 21:4 And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

My heart has been sobbing all morning and here I find a promise that God will wipe away my tears.  What joy and hope that gives to me.  I know that this place on earth is not my home and the trials I am going through are to remind me that I need not be cozy and comfy here for there is a better place waiting not only for me, but for Dick.

I wondered to day how my sister, Margo and my neice, Dani went through watching their husbands suffer and deteriorate before their eyes.  It seems almost unbearable at times (like this morning).  I seem frozen in time and space right now.  I don't know if I will go in to wake Dick from his nap to find him no longer here with me.  It is as if I need to remind myself to take the next breath of air. 

This is the journey I am not anxious to travel ... I pray the Lord comes soon!